There’s a myriad of outlooks when it comes to aging. Depending on where you are in life, your experiences, your background, people view aging very differently. Remember being a kid, thinking life was over at 30? Time has a way of playing tricks on us, and as we age, so does our perception of what “old” is—or moreove —what that experience of growing “older” can look like.

Historically, seniors have been segregated into two camps: old, wise, and sweet, or old, foolish and curmudgeonly — and nothing in between. The two well-worn stereotypes rarely share any qualities, aside from one: growing old means you are no longer capable of learning, you stop progressing, and you ultimately lose purpose and perhaps even value to those around you.

You protest: “No, no, who would say such a terrible thing?” Well, unfortunately, a lot of times, we say these things to ourselves. Have you ever had the thoughts: “I’m too old to do that!” or, “I can’t do this at my age — what would people think?”?

Is it funny? Or is it ageism?

For anyone who’s perused the greeting card aisle of the pharmacy, it’s row upon row of cards letting us all in on the joke of old age. And while the witty sentiments on birthday cards can elicit a laugh, there are often undertones of ageism. Just as we adopt our own assumptions about what we’re capable (or not capable) of as we age, messaging in popular culture and media are additional sources contributing to a tendency to internalize negative views and beliefs about aging.

There’s nothing inherently wrong with taking a light-hearted approach to getting older. It can be cathartic to commiserate with your friends—laughing together as you regale your ongoing misadventures in the aging process: the sneeze that put your back out for three days, ambivalence on the trends your kids are obsessing over, frustration with new technology, or even nostalgia for the ‘good old days’ of your youth—if anything, it can be a reassurance you’re not alone in feeling trepidatious as these changes seemingly come out of nowhere.

But where is the line between a hearty laugh amongst friends, and a mean-spirited wisecrack?

Ultimately, most of the jokes about aging are short quips that gloss over what’s really happening to people as they hit middle age and beyond: loss. Not just the loss of appearance, stamina, or car keys. The real and visceral loss of friends, loved ones, relationships. And the less tangible, but still veritable loss of freedom—and importantly — the loss of credibility and relevance when it comes to contributing to your community, as many older adults are perceived as being incapable of learning, evolution, or growth.

A good guideline to follow: if someone’s feeling down about themselves once the laughter subsides, the joke has gone too far.

Talkin’ ‘bout my generation

Do you identify with the cultural zeitgeist of your generation? You’re not alone. Whether you’re of the boomer generation or gen z, the collective mindset of people born within a specific time in history often shapes who we are, how we perceive the world around us, and how we interact with those born outside of our own cohorts. We naturally form a bond with those who can relate to our specific experiences. And collectively, we are often suspicious of outliers, especially those generational cohorts that came before or after us. Unfortunately, as a result, we often stigmatize an entire generation by their perceived negative traits, reducing those outliers to one-dimensional stereotypes.

Ageism is something that affects us all at one point or another. Think: the youngest team member pitches an idea in the board room only to be immediately dismissed. The job application of a 50-year-old is sent straight to the reject pile without consideration. Ageism occurs throughout our lives in all types of circumstances. It ultimately boils down to each generational cohort having preconceived notions about themselves and each other, and being unable or unwilling to empathize with each generation’s unique circumstances.

Connection builds bridges

“For some, it can be hard to relate to people from other generations, especially when our experiences at certain milestones differ so greatly,” says Jenn Kitchen, Executive Director Garrison Green. “In the case of older adults, many people use patronizing language in an effort to placate them, or just dismiss them entirely. Ultimately, it leads to someone feeling unheard, and becoming withdrawn or unfairly labeled as difficult. It has a huge impact on their self-esteem. As a result, we then see a rapid decline in mental and physical health as seniors who feel invisible tend to isolate themselves to avoid unpleasant interactions with their family, medical professionals, or other members of the broader community.”

And while the generation gap seems wide beyond measure at times, there’s often a simple way to narrow the divide: connection.

Family member Laurie Dolph has long been a fixture at Garrison Green. She visits her father, Jim, often but also spends a lot of time in the community with the other residents, leading sing-along meetups and hosting movie nights in the theatre. “I enjoy being a part of the United community, it’s always a pleasure to come in and spend time here,” she says. “I sense that some seniors feel insecure as they get older—they start to believe they don’t have anything relevant to say and can be reluctant to speak up. They will step back from a conversation out of fear of being boring or ‘taking up my time’,” Laurie says. “One of the reasons I enjoy being here is because each resident I interact with has something fascinating to tell me or to teach me.”

Challenging assumptions: what you see isn’t always what you get

“A lot of times, people assume seniors ‘check out’ after retirement, but nothing could be further from the truth,” says Jenn, “Sure, they’re no longer working, but they contribute in different ways: volunteering, spending time with their families, and otherwise being active and involved in the greater community. From exploring new artistic mediums to deep discussions on politics and current events, the people who make their homes in our communities have a keen interest in staying current and learning new things.”

It’s true: residents at United spend a lot of time contributing to the community at large, fundraising for the Alzheimer Society, and the Calgary Interfaith Food Bank. Many jumped on board to take over United’s art studio to support the Heart Scents project, which distributes fabric hearts to families in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit. Others have volunteered for the Father Lacombe Care Society. Individuals in their 70’s, 80’s, 90’s and beyond are exploring talents and pursuing active lifestyles: joining in on choir, dance, or yoga programs, pottery and painting workshops, bridge club, meet-ups for billiards, daily fitness classes, and more. Many are actively involved in current issues too: recently, residents led advocacy efforts to address the changes in funding for the provision of physician in-home visits.

The theatre spaces in United communities are often buzzing with residents who are actively embracing opportunities to learn new things or discuss relevant issues of the day. Some come prepared with news clippings and talking points when Duane Bratt, author, political commentator, and professor at Mount Royal University visits United’s communities. To say the discussion is lively is an understatement: “Seniors are very invested in what’s happening around them, and they’re not afraid to get involved,” says Duane. “When you look at voter turnout during elections, seniors have the highest rate of participation by a long shot.”

“We make a point of partnering with local organizations that bring opportunities for residents to stay connected, either through outings in the city, or by bringing a wide variety of guest speakers and performers into the community that are exciting and challenging.” Jenn continues, “We encourage residents to contribute their ideas as we develop our programming, but we also encourage active engagement and interaction by welcoming their family and friends to participate alongside them. Those connections really make the community what it is: vibrant, lively, and welcoming for everyone.”

Seeing is believing

“We forget older adults are more than just their age, and we shouldn’t be shocked that they still enjoy many of the same things we do,” says Angela Elia, Marketing and Communications Coordinator at United Active Living. “There’s no need to give up everything you’re passionate about simply because you’re getting older. It’s the reason we feature real residents so prominently in our marketing. These are regular people who are going about their day, who remain passionate about living life to the fullest.” Angela continues, “I have learned so much from the residents here — they downplay how cool they are, but they are leading such interesting lives, and spending time with them is really valuable to my own learning. This experience has changed the way I view older adults.”  

It’s not always easy to get a clear view of things from a different vantage point, but if you take the time to build connections and challenge assumptions, we can all work to bridge the (generation) gap. But don’t take our word for it: stop in for a visit to our communities, and see how United is transforming the experience of aging!